Knowledge
by Light1
Summary: kain learns the truth of what is to come and must make an impossible decision. WARNING: Yaoi Kain/Raziel.


**Knowledge**

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal dynamics, they are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create.

Warning: it has to be said . . . . This fic contains **YAOI** (GuyXGuy), blood play and a lemon, if this offends or upsets you **do not read** this, **it's that simple**. Please also note it contains **Possible Defiance references. **

Pairing: Kain/Raziel

Rating: NC-17

Part: One of One

Set: post Blood Omen Pre Soul Reaver

Authoress note:

**Knowledge **

{Kain}

"_I have seen the future Kain and you're not in it." _

The words resonated with me. Although at the time I brushed Moebius' words off with a snide comment they have been flowing cold in my veins like ice for nearly seven hundred years. For the first few centuries I buried the worry they caused, forced it down into a dark quiet place in my mind and did my utmost to ignore it. After those first few centuries I lost the power to ignore and became angry at my own impending doom, at my powerlessness to fight it, and as always happens my anger soon turned into action.

When I managed to find my way into Moebius' caves once more I was determined to discover what Moebius claimed to have seen and even more determined to prove him wrong in his prediction. Working my way through the labyrinth of tunnels had been a nightmare despite it being free from the demons that had once prowled the walkways. I finally, after many frustrating hours, found myself in, what I had assumed was Moebius' central chamber, where his scurrying pool still stood, exactly as he had left it.

I have always been told my temper would get me into trouble, first by my mortal mother, later by Vorador, the decedent old fool, had loved to lecture me on _'a little something called self restraint'_. But when in my anger I lashed out at the ridiculous scurrying pool kicking it against the wall I unwittingly unlocked something of a secret passageway and then truly discovered how Moebius saw the future.

The time stream was laid bare before me.

When I had first realised what it was I looked upon I had laughed, I believed that I looked upon the solution to my 'little problem' but I was young and so very foolish once. Seeing the time stream has only brought me despair. I should have known that nothing is ever that simple.

I stand now on the peak of Moebius' little mountain watching Nosgoth die and feeling the death inside myself as the knowledge of what will come to pass settles itself in my mind. Perhaps I feel the lands death a little more keenly tonight, or maybe not, maybe something inside myself is dying. After all I have, up until tonight, held hope that I will be able to save this land. I have had hope that I will stand one day and look down on a land which is once again fruitful and lush. But now I fear hope is truly dead, the time streaming device has inflicted a fatal wound in what remains of my soul.

It has been centuries since I discovered my life was threatened by a 'creature', I discovered that little trinket of information months before I raised Raziel, it is as the saying goes 'old news'. I have hence forth from that night devoted a large fraction of my time to finding a way to destroy it before it destroys me, and now it stings me to know that I can easily destroy it but also that I will not; for this night I have discovered just who that creature really is.

Raziel. My first born. My childe.

My life will be taken by my son

It seems I have to be taught the same lesson more than once before it will settle in my stubborn mind. I have once before been taught that when you allow someone close to you they will try to destroy you, but it seems where Sebastian failed Raziel will succeed. Yet it is not that knowledge alone that disturbs me, what disturbs me far more is the knowledge that I will probably let him. While my mind runs through scenarios of how I could destroy my child, perhaps by fire, I truly know that the day when I raise my hand to permanently do him harm or end him will never come. Even if he comes, or rather, when he comes at me in anger I cannot imagine myself truly lashing out with the intent to destroy him. I may when the time comes strike at him but I know it will be for show, my pride will not allow anything else.

The question of 'why' circles endlessly in my mind, joined by its brother 'how'. How will Raziel become that thing? Why would Raziel come at me in anger? What could I do to him that was so terrible for him to truly wish my death? I wonder briefly at what horror fate has in store for my child, but shaking the thought from my mind I look to the east. The sun will not rise for a good while yet and I have been absent from my home for far to long. With a simple thought my form comes apart and a great many bats flit through the night sky.

Yet while part of me yearns for the comfort of my home a larger part is loath to return.

I have always considered myself a practical man by nature and right now that practical part of me is screaming for my eldest child's blood, in my mouth, on my hands it matters not; self preservation is hard to ignore. I spin in the air and head higher above the clouds, the moisture stings and for a moment I hover in the clouds letting them burn me before turning higher, wondering if I fly high enough then shift back to fall would I die. I smile as all the tiny forms come to me and meld into one, there is a moment of nauseating dizziness as I rejoin and become myself but it clears quickly and I am falling.

The bitter wind stings my eyes forcing blood tears from them as I hurtle down at a frighteningly fast speed. The ground races up to meet me, to catch me, but before I strike the earth and break my body separates again and once more I am air born. It was a stupid stunt to pull but for a few moments the weight on my mind was lighter. The adrenalin leaves me giddy and my bats spiral in the sky. But the giddiness fades quickly as I spot the sanctuary loaming in the distance. How am I going to even be able to look at him now? Knowing what I know?

I circle the sanctuary once, he is here, he is always here, every time I vanish into the mountains he comes here and waits for me to come back to him. Instead of going to his room as I usually do I when I return I land on my own balcony, the dizziness returns as I pull myself together and I sway momentarily. Regaining my feet before I can do anything remotely embarrassing, like crashing to the ground, I turn and look out over Nosgoth. The thought of worth comes to me, what has more worth to me my land, my life or my childe.

The door opens and I know it's him. He sighs as if unhappy and I realise he has not come here because he saw me return, he is here for something else and is unknowing of my presence. Pathetically I move to the side into shadow and take a moment to just watch him. He moves through the room as if I was dead, claws touching on everything, running gently over soft wood and dancing over trinkets laid out on tops of drawers and cabinets. Absently he lifts a tome I left on the bed, ancient and dog-eared, it was perhaps the first one Vorador gave me. Vorador gave me many books all detailing prophecies penned by creatures long gone from this world, it had confused me at first but I found myself intrigued, now I wonder how much did that ancient beast know about what I really am, about what my childe is. Raziel places the book onto a table and collapses backwards onto the bed, rolling into the middle and curling there, face buried in one of the pillows.

He misses me. I find myself less surprised at this than I used to be.

His genuine affection towards me used to off-foot me a lot when we were both younger, I was continually expecting to wake one night with a hoard of Serefan surrounding me with him laughing at how he 'duped' me with soft words and softer touches. I wonder to myself when did I stop expecting the blade to bury itself in my back at his hand. I recall when I first raised him, small and hopeless, he would have died without me and even then I believed him a threat, a necessary threat, but a threat none the less and I was wary of him. I cannot pinpoint the moment in time when I stopped being wary of him but that time must have come and gone because I am no longer surprised by his unadulterated affection, and I was surprised to learn that he would be my undoing.

His breathing is even now, asleep so quickly, I smirk and shake my head, I had believed him exaggerating when he said he slept better in my bed, I now see otherwise. I could destroy him now, he is unsuspecting, not helpless, never helpless but he is unaware. I could do it before he fully woke and save us both the agony of his being aware. I slip in from the balcony still watching him, absently I reach down and run clawed talons through his hair, the action despite its gentility rouses him. He opens bleary eyes at me and blinks for a few moments before an absolutely ridiculous grin spits his face and he throws himself at me, knocking the wind from my lungs.

"You're home," the words are muffled against my shoulder, he can move fast when it suits him.

Almost without thought my own arms reach up and my hands rest on his shoulders. My face turns to bury my nose in his hair. I have missed him, my body aches for him as it always does when I am absent from here, and I can feel a reflected need in him pressing against my stomach as he kneels up against me, but it is more than that, more than the pulsing heat, the want to have him. I find that I have missed 'him' not just his body, I have missed his rather odd attempts at humour, his un-vampire like tendencies and perhaps more surprisingly I have missed his childish tantrums. His shoulders feel so small under my talons, the bone fitting in my palm, the sharp tips of my claws resting gently on the bare skin of his back, how easy it would be to break both bone and skin. I imagine for a moment what my life would be like if he wasn't here, true it would be longer than the future has predicted but it would be . . . empty. The want to live and the desire for his company war in me.

He pulls back and against my will my grip tightens further, but not to hurt him, rather to prevent him from moving back. He makes a small delighted sound and settles more firmly against me, clinging to me like I were the last creature alive. I turn my head and rest my mouth on his shoulder and sigh; he will destroy me, but without him would I care if I survived? It seems fate has thought of everything in its attempt to remove me. Bastard.

He pulls back more strongly at my sigh and I let him, he sits back and I look down at him; we are silent for a long moment and I find I cannot keep his gaze. Often when I had first raised him I could not meet his eyes, couldn't stand the open honesty in them and now it is the same only reversed, I do not want him to see my thoughts in my eyes and so do not look at him. He pushes me back a few steps and stands so my height is not so much a barrier to him, still I look away from him.

"You found it didn't you?" he mutters taking my chin is his hand, tilting my head to look at him, I allow him to do so and meet his eyes with my own, "was it what you expected? Was it worth it?" he asks, hints of anger in his voice.

"Do you know me so well?" I manage a fragile smile but it only lasts a second. I watch half intrigued as his expression changes from confusion to pity to fear, his hand still holding my face is shaking now, he opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, it takes him a moment to force his vocal cords to work

"Something in you has died," he stammers. I almost laugh. Taking a calming breath to stop the potential laughter I mutter under my breath and he knows well enough not to press the issue further.

Instead he looks at me for a moment and leans forward planting a chaste kiss against my mouth, he smiles when I return it and I press against him harder. He purrs and settles against me making me painfully aware of what he wants. Absently, I wonder whether this is right anymore, should I be doing this when I know what the future wishes to bring. I swallow hard, conflicted about this act for the first time in centuries. My body knows exactly what it wants and is making its own wants known clearly, my hips jerk at the sudden contact and my unneeded breath hisses out of me.

All at once his body was pressed up firmer against mine, the flesh of his bare chest impossibly smooth and firm against my own, unnaturally warm he must have fed this night before retiring here. My mind screeched at me the wrongness of this, that I was taking advantage of his ignorance, that I was placing myself in mortal peril, and that I should end him now while he is distracted and vulnerable beneath my claws and teeth. His hand grabbed my jaw and brought it into contact with his own with a harsh, desperate need that he always held after I had been away. His mouth was docile while at the same time insistent, if such a thing is possible, he burned and knew exactly what he wanted from me, pleading with me yet demanding it also. I felt myself shudder against him; I needed him just as much as he I.

I needed him, his body and any physical favor he would freely give but also I needed him, his soul, the part of him that made him miss me, the part of him that made him trust me when no other ever has. The part of him that made him love me and the part of him that would be my end. When the kiss finally broke beneath its own weight, he pulled back, letting his eyes rest on me for a moment, as if assuring himself that it was truly I who stood before him. His eyes narrowed, mirroring my own, causing me to smile ever so slightly. He ran his thumb over my lip, and I bit him, letting a little more of myself slip.

My hand moved up from his shoulders to his hair and his mouth moved down from mine, down across my jaw, down my throat, I couldn't stop the hairs on the back of my neck standing up when he did that. His teeth so close to my vein, never before had I allowed someone I knew meant me harm to be so close to a weakness. I pushed him away, and he looked at me, a small sultry smile on his face as if proud he'd done this to me, destroyed my so well placed mask with a few simple touches. The poor fool had no idea. He looked so small compared to me, so fragile, I could wrap a single hand around his throat and squeeze and he would let me. By the time he realized my intention it would be to late. He would fall to dust on my sheets and I would be safe, there would be no creature to come in the darkness and end me. There would be nothing left for me to fear.

He leaned forward unaware of my thoughts, carelessly inviting devastation.

"Love me," his voice was little more than breath.

I met his gaze and all thought stopped for that split moment, as golden eyes melted and in there place appeared glowing soul fire, burning at me with hatred and grief; something unspoken and beyond understanding flickered in the air between us but it was broken when my traitorous body convulsed as he moved his thigh against me, determined to bring my attention back to him.

I put my hands on his hips and drew him to me once more. He looked exceedingly smug as I did so, casually falling backwards dragging me onto the bed. I didn't resist, falling with him. Claws made quick work of my clothes, his own made a similar disappearing act. I almost yelped in mild surprise as his hands grabbed my shoulders twisting. Despite my sudden unsettled worry I allowed him to push me back and watched as he settled himself over me, his hands resting on my thighs, pressing me into the voluminous bedding.

I smirked as he looked at me as though he had not seen me in a lifetime and I heard him breathe out, almost reverently. I had grown used to the small honest tokens of affection he would give me but it still made me uneasy when he would look at me as if I were the most valuable thing in all creation; even Sebastian who claimed to love me never looked at me like that. I blinked when his hands once more brought me from my thoughts. I arched into his hands almost purring, wanting more soft touches but also fearing them. We both knew neither would last, it was always like this when I had been in Moebius' caves and if these touches continued I would spill myself before having felt his insides around me.

Looking down, I met his eyes, he smiled and it stopped my words in my throat.

He tightened his grip, experimentally, watching my face as he did so. I closed my eyes against him and tried through sheer force of will to calm myself and make him stop. Never had I felt so vulnerable. As I felt his touches lighten I let my breath out in a relieved rush and was about to re-open my eyes when he slid his tongue hotly across me, causing tremors, taunting the flushed skin before swallowing it whole.

His mouth was warm, wet and encompassing, his claws prevented the rise of my hips, as he subjected me to the ruthless praise of his lips and tongue, his claws drove beneath me to grasp my backside, bracing me beneath him. His mouth was ravenous, as if he could devour me alive. I could not help the spike of raw panic that arched through me, I bit my own tongue to stop the pathetic sound of it. Twining my claws into his hair I managed to tear him away. He looked at me, his face showing worry and concern. In that moment I almost told him, almost confessed that I had to kill him before he killed me. But the words stuck in my throat and instead I soothed his pride.

"Monster," I breathed when I was able "what are you trying to do to me."

"You don't know?" he asked innocently, "why I...," his words were cut short as I rolled, pinning him beneath me, unable to remain beneath him any longer to have him in control. Looking down I ran claws down his right leg, tracing the muscles of it. It would be so easy to sink claws in, hamstring him, make him more vulnerable than he already is. Helpless until it healed. "For the love of Nosgoth don't go slow," he begged "do you intend to drag this out, you beautiful idiot?" he demanded, I hissed at the phrase, leaned down and bit him, hard, drawing blood lapping it away before looking up at him.

"You intend to order me child?" I asked, he looked for a moment as if he would, before shaking his head and leaning back. His body hummed with intensity and heat against the cool resonance of my own, as I rose up and leaned in, intersecting the widening delta of his thighs. So vulnerable, so foolish to trust me when I am so much stronger than he and so very aware that my life depends on his ending. Reaching inside him I knew exactly where to touch on, knowing his insides better than he did but in an almost playful fancy I avoided the point that would cause him to cry out and press against me. Thinking if I could begin my cruelties small I could work up to the ultimate cruelty of destroying him.

"You're doing it on purpose aren't you," he growled after a moment, "please don't torment,"

I am weak, I caved into him so easily. How on Nosgoth could I ever expect to destroy him when I couldn't even be selfish with him here. One whispered pleading was all it took for me to obey. I could see now, see clearly why fate had chosen Raziel for this task. No one but he had such power over me, such control to move me to their will with three small whispered words.

I am truly fucked.

I cast my feigned ignorance aside and stroked across the small protrusion inside him, he yelped and thrust himself back on me hard enough to almost knock me over. Drawing out of him I moved over him, his chest was heaving beneath me his legs winding around my hips but despite this I took a moment to just look at him and found myself hit with a sudden epiphany.

Raziel was mine. Mine, he did not belong to fate, he did not belong to Moebius or to the time stream. He was bloody well mine and I would keep him, he was mine and no one was taking him but me. He would not fall into the hands of those who would manipulate and change him, I would keep him. Fate could not have him. His hand reached up and suddenly grasped a part of my hair hanging down.

"Am I so dull that you would daydream now," his voice was thin, desperate and demanding all at once. "Would you have me beg for your attention?" I could not answer, at least not with words. He groaned loudly at my slow press forward, my feeble attempt to remind him just who he belonged to when I had only just realized it myself. He suddenly pushed back with a roughness that both gratified and surprised me, and I exhaled in a hiss, feeling the tightness and heat swallow me as his mouth had moments before.

He flexed his hips against me when I came to rest inside of him, urging my movements, but I couldn't stop my shaking, my eyes stung and I blinked rapidly working to force thoughts of time and future out from my mind and focused on reminding us both just who the amazingly demanding child beneath me belonged to. His fingers crept over my lower back, easing slowly downward, cresting the warm upslope of my backside before sliding down to rest on my thighs. He then shifted suddenly, a violent movement that brought us closer tighter, pressed together more firmly and I began to move. His hands ran over my thighs, caressing as I grew more brutal in my movements, causing us to almost hit together, the clipped, solid contact of flesh against flesh, as my hands found his hips and pulled him back with each movement I made.

My hair fell forward veiling my eyes blocking my sight, absently I threw back my head, throwing it away from my face, I needed to see. I shuddered again each pull of bittersweet pleasure, taunting me, spiraling blackly toward ruin.

"Kain," he gasped, his eyes wide, he so rarely used my name, always '_father'_ or '_my lord'_ so rarely '_Kain'_. His eyes narrowed knowingly and he smirked."Kain," he repeated, intently, I lost my rhythm for a moment and snarled at him. He belonged to me, he was mine, I was in control, not him. In revenge I moved into him harder, his words became a desperate mewl and absently I wondered how many would hear him this time. I winced in pity as he struck the headboard, the sound and brutal in my ears but his cries were not pained. I released his hips and pressed my weight down firmer on him, pressing our entire bodies together and closed my mouth over his my hair falling against him, as his fingers dug into my flesh, hard enough to leave bruises that would be gone before we woke later.

I heard him moan and knew with clarity how close we both were. I moaned, unable to staunch my reaction, my mind and my body lost to me, every muscle responding to a power far more compelling than mine. I arched down into him, as ecstasy gripped me by the throat, contracting, imploding. He cried out, a guttural sound, his arms tightened around me to the point of pain, pain born of passion. His cry died quickly and he sounded as if he were sobbing into me shoulder as his body convulsed around me and spasmed beneath me. His hips bucked furiously, pushing us through to the bitter end of our ordeal, her shoulders heaving with the convulsions.

He looked at me then, eyes half closed and I can see it, I can see his understanding, he knows exactly who he belongs to. He knows he is mine, mine to have, mine to control and mine to protect.

"Thank you," he smirked as I roll off of him, I cannot help but laugh.

"I might not be able to save this world," I breathe, watching him "but fate be damned I can bloody well save you." he frowns at me then barley conscious.

"Of course you can," his words trail off as he slips from wake to sleep and I am left alone with my thoughts.

I will not sleep despite myself, I will stay awake and I will plan.

**End**

Authoress note: Depressing. Oh well the games are hardly duckies and bunnies.

Please review


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